Back in 2006 when I was going through the self inflicted paranoia, I turned to god. I've confessed before, I'm not a religious man, but I'm a man of faith. I prayed to him hard and with all sincerity I could muster. I said to Him " No one in my family including my daughter, my wife and myself should ever be... Neither in the past, nor in the present nor in the future...". And God bailed me out. It took me time to realize and believe that I've been saved.
Later as time went by, the prayers changed. I moved on from the above to asking different things. They reflect my personal aspirations, family commitments and promises to self. I've asked to us to be together and happy. I asked for my daughter to have stable environment. I'm always afraid that somewhere in course of time, my daughter will drift away from me(emotionally). I've prayed for us to be together and me playing a constructive role in her life. I've asked for my wife to find a good job and be happy in it. I've asked for us to be together and happy as a family. I've asked for maids to stay so that my daughter could get some stability. I've asked for myself that "I do something more challenging, rewarding and satisfying...". For most part these were in harmony with each other. My prayer for personal growth, did not conflict in any way with my family commitments.
Then times changed. We had a few crises and I was not sure any more of what I wanted for self and family. I was ambivalent. During the rough times in the family I left it to God to decide if staying together is what he wanted me to do.
A few months ago, when the Abu Dhabi opportunity came up, I wasn't sure I wanted to take it up. It reflected a contradiction between my personal goals and my family priorities. How could I ask for stability for my daughter as I was the one rocking the boat. How could I ask for my wife to have a successful career when I was uprooting her. And yet how could I not accept this offer when this gave me the break I wanted for myself.
When I reached here I changed my prayers once again. I wanted my daughter to find happiness here. I wanted my wife to find a good job here. I wanted us to be together here and happy. I had preferred personal ambition over the family. There were some mitigating factors. I knew my daughter was losing her friend in India as our neighbors were moving to the US. So perhaps moving here may not be that bad for her. My wife had a tough / unreasonable boss who she hated and at some time was seriously contemplating quitting. I thought she may want to make a new beginning here. I spoke to my wife at length before accepting this offer and we agreed, this was the way to go. All in all it seemed plausible and even desirable to be here together as a family.
Earlier this month my family visited me here. My wife liked certain things about Abu Dhabi. I was happy she thought she could move here. They left last weekend and she joined the office this monday when she heard the news. Her boss was moved out of her area and her new boss seems to be a good person to work with. Not only her boss but her role may change a bit. She may get elevated in her role if not her designation. It was overall good news for her.But then there is the price. It now seems a better proposition to stay in her current job and grow.
For the last few days I'm confused. I'm in search of the right wish, the right prayer and a promise...
Later as time went by, the prayers changed. I moved on from the above to asking different things. They reflect my personal aspirations, family commitments and promises to self. I've asked to us to be together and happy. I asked for my daughter to have stable environment. I'm always afraid that somewhere in course of time, my daughter will drift away from me(emotionally). I've prayed for us to be together and me playing a constructive role in her life. I've asked for my wife to find a good job and be happy in it. I've asked for us to be together and happy as a family. I've asked for maids to stay so that my daughter could get some stability. I've asked for myself that "I do something more challenging, rewarding and satisfying...". For most part these were in harmony with each other. My prayer for personal growth, did not conflict in any way with my family commitments.
Then times changed. We had a few crises and I was not sure any more of what I wanted for self and family. I was ambivalent. During the rough times in the family I left it to God to decide if staying together is what he wanted me to do.
A few months ago, when the Abu Dhabi opportunity came up, I wasn't sure I wanted to take it up. It reflected a contradiction between my personal goals and my family priorities. How could I ask for stability for my daughter as I was the one rocking the boat. How could I ask for my wife to have a successful career when I was uprooting her. And yet how could I not accept this offer when this gave me the break I wanted for myself.
When I reached here I changed my prayers once again. I wanted my daughter to find happiness here. I wanted my wife to find a good job here. I wanted us to be together here and happy. I had preferred personal ambition over the family. There were some mitigating factors. I knew my daughter was losing her friend in India as our neighbors were moving to the US. So perhaps moving here may not be that bad for her. My wife had a tough / unreasonable boss who she hated and at some time was seriously contemplating quitting. I thought she may want to make a new beginning here. I spoke to my wife at length before accepting this offer and we agreed, this was the way to go. All in all it seemed plausible and even desirable to be here together as a family.
Earlier this month my family visited me here. My wife liked certain things about Abu Dhabi. I was happy she thought she could move here. They left last weekend and she joined the office this monday when she heard the news. Her boss was moved out of her area and her new boss seems to be a good person to work with. Not only her boss but her role may change a bit. She may get elevated in her role if not her designation. It was overall good news for her.But then there is the price. It now seems a better proposition to stay in her current job and grow.
For the last few days I'm confused. I'm in search of the right wish, the right prayer and a promise...
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