Monday, December 14, 2015

The First Month

Its been a month since I'm out of a job. I've cast my net as wide as I could. I've reached out to all the vendors I worked with and all my friends and relatives who could help me. And yet, there is very little traction. Only one opportunity which also looks dubious.

My sleep has dwindled down to 5-6 hours a day. I get up at 5 in the morning, at times in cold sweat and can't go back to sleep however hard I try.

The days are a daze. I call up the contacts and it takes about 10 min. And then, nothing. I've tried to start reading tech stuff but the difficult concepts need focus and I don't seem to hold it.

At times when I'm in public places looking at other ppl around me, a thought crosses the mind. They all have a job or a vocation and I don't. All of a sudden I feel as if I'm walking around the place naked and every one can see through me.

It all so happened so swiftly. There was talk of a list for a month before the D day. With the rumors floating around, everyone feels a little jittery. I felt more or less the same. Though a part of me was scared. Not because of any performance issues. Just the opposite. In my view, I had a home run this year. I'd just delivered the biggest year in IT projects. All my big projects were live. No backlogs and all manageable issues. The upside had made the COO queasy as the depreciation for the next year was close to 9 times the current for IT projects.

I was uneasy because I knew of the dirty politics that was at play in my work place. The battle of wits between the two top guys. I knew I am closely aligned to one and therefore, a target for the other. And that's what happened. I paid for my alignment.

What's surprised me since is the hands offish response of the person I was aligned to. I had been forewarned by some but now I'm experiencing it firsthand. And it hurts...

The disruption in my life is all too sudden. Its overwhelming, its drowned me. Despite reaching out to so many, not much has come of it.

Do I stay on or do I return to India? I have only till Feb and as things stand today, I'm more likely to return empty handed than find something in UAE. Or maybe something will come up in Jan. Who knows???