Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Month 119

The second month. There are some destructive patterns building up on personal front. The job is hectic and uninspiring. This is the first political account within my company that I've worked for. Its also the biggest. It may be difficult to last here. My guilt around my daughter is growing. From teaching her twice a week, I've come down to 0. Can't make it back home in time to teach her. My wife has put her in a tuition. I'm required to drop her to the class, which requires me to be home at 6:15, just once a week and even that looks daunting. I had to push back on 2 invites and answer one escalation for this. I've told my team about this and yet they continue to schedule things around this time. There was a similar thing last week too. I'll fight this. I owe this to my daughter.

The point is all the education and degrees have gotten me a job. That job takes away my energies, kills my passion, thwarts my ambition and doesn't provide enough to retire early.

I always wanted to build things. If not a software engineer, I'd loved to be an architect or a civil engineer. I'm not very creative and yet the process of creation excites me. Building myself or being part of a kick ass team that builds things, even software.

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