The First Month

Its been a month since I'm out of a job. I've cast my net as wide as I could. I've reached out to all the vendors I worked with and all my friends and relatives who could help me. And yet, there is very little traction. Only one opportunity which also looks dubious.

My sleep has dwindled down to 5-6 hours a day. I get up at 5 in the morning, at times in cold sweat and can't go back to sleep however hard I try.

The days are a daze. I call up the contacts and it takes about 10 min. And then, nothing. I've tried to start reading tech stuff but the difficult concepts need focus and I don't seem to hold it.

At times when I'm in public places looking at other ppl around me, a thought crosses the mind. They all have a job or a vocation and I don't. All of a sudden I feel as if I'm walking around the place naked and every one can see through me.

It all so happened so swiftly. There was talk of a list for a month before the D day. With the rumors floating around, everyone feels a little jittery. I felt more or less the same. Though a part of me was scared. Not because of any performance issues. Just the opposite. In my view, I had a home run this year. I'd just delivered the biggest year in IT projects. All my big projects were live. No backlogs and all manageable issues. The upside had made the COO queasy as the depreciation for the next year was close to 9 times the current for IT projects.

I was uneasy because I knew of the dirty politics that was at play in my work place. The battle of wits between the two top guys. I knew I am closely aligned to one and therefore, a target for the other. And that's what happened. I paid for my alignment.

What's surprised me since is the hands offish response of the person I was aligned to. I had been forewarned by some but now I'm experiencing it firsthand. And it hurts...

The disruption in my life is all too sudden. Its overwhelming, its drowned me. Despite reaching out to so many, not much has come of it.

Do I stay on or do I return to India? I have only till Feb and as things stand today, I'm more likely to return empty handed than find something in UAE. Or maybe something will come up in Jan. Who knows???

Poof!

And it all came crashing down in an instant 8:15am on Thursday. I got a call. I saw the caller and knew what was coming. By 10:00 am it was all over.
I now have to look for a job in a foreign land. Having moved my family just 8 months back, its a living nightmare here. I've reached out to as many as I could. It may take a while. Not sure if I want to be in the region any more. If only something works out back home, I'm more than happy to relocate...
For now I have live the nightmare!

Hi Netflix! Good to to see you again!!

Well Netflix does not play in UAE. This summer, my wife went to India for my daughter's vacation and came back fuming. Netflix was working at her brother's place in Mumbai and she was extremely unhappy that she could not have it here in UAE. Now my wife is a BIG netflix fan. Its netflix that kept her going during her stay in the US. She is a great movie aficionado. She must have watched more than 300 movies during our stay in the US. Not being able to view Netflix movies was perhaps the only regret she has about leaving the US.

So, here I was, tasked with bringing Netflix back in her life. After a lot of hand wringing and researching I finally hooked up to netflix. Don't ask me how. VPNs and US credit card addresses etc. It took me a while but for about 3 weeks now, we are watching Netflix and my wife loves me a little more...  

New lease of life for my Old Laptop

The year was 2008. I went berserk with laptop shopping. I bought 3 laptops that year. A Toshiba for my wife, a small netbook and a Vaio for self.
Over the next few years the Toshiba was the first one to go. It went bad after around 3 years of use. The battery conked first, then the wifi and the keyboard. The netbook had some keyboard challenges but I could sell it after 4 years of use. The Vaio stayed with me. It was $1000, a mid to slightly premium range. It had a great keyboard, good resolution screen 1600X900 and it served me well. It's 4 GB RAM was more than enough back in the day. 250GB HDD, adequate. My small development shop, was built on the Vaio. I loved it.

Lately, my daughter started using it regularly. Her school assignments require her to have a laptop and Vaio played the willing companion. And then a couple of weeks back  the hard drive finally gave up. After 7 years of faithful service, it was time... I got a new Lenovo and got my daughter back on.

But all this while I was a little reluctant to let go of my old friend. I reached out to the IT infra friends at office and they suggested to replace the hard drive rather than just junking the laptop. A friend suggested I tried the new SSDs. He swore by them and said just a hard drive upgrade can transform the laptop. The SSD in AbuDhabi costs just around AED 200 for a 120GB drive. It was worth the gamble.

Last Friday I got a Kingston SDD on my laptop. While they readily changed the drive, they refused to load Vista (my old OS) or load a pirated version of Win 7. The new Win7 license was around AED 450 making the entire upgrade untenable. After a lot of back and forth and research, I decided to tap open source. I downloaded Ubuntu 14.04 on the stick, used Yumi to make the stick bootable and set up the Old Vaio on Ubuntu. There was some initial challenge in making a bootable stick but then it was soon behind us. Installation went smooth and I was up and running in less than 30 min.

Once I launched it, I was in for a magical ride... The laptop booted in about 20 seconds and I was on TOI page within 50 secs of switching the laptop on. The browser zipped and the pages flew... It was breathtaking... Well, I've now set up my little dev shop on Ubuntu. It took me a couple of days to get all the niggles of my dev env sorted out.

Now I'm on it and happy I made the call. Hail Ubuntu. Hail the Open source... 

Apple Music

The moment the offer came I lapped it. For Rs 120 a month, it's a steal. I'm feasting over songs, country, rock and everything in between. 

The Hindi collection is not well tagged. I hope Apple gets a few good curists to get this library in shape. It's as rich as the English and I hope finding stuff gets a little easier. 

Mumbai Marathon

Mumbai marathon registrations are on and I'm not participating. It's sad. Really. I never hit the timing and now that my family is here, I won't be visiting Mumbai for the marathon. I plan to register for Abu Dhabi striders half marathon to be held in November. But I'll miss Mumbai and the run. 

Treadmill at home

Kind of insane. Back in April, we moved into a larger house. It's a duplex. Lot of empty space. We are searching for things to fill it up with. One such contraption is the treadmill. I bought it back in May and have hopped on it a few times since. It's true luxury to have a treadmill at home. Don't have to walk across to the gym in this unforgiving heat. And yet the slack will winnth. Have been off it for almost an entire month, putting on weight. Have got back on it. 20 kms a week. That's a promise. Hope that gets in back in shape by nov. 

Months 100-93

Some time has passed by. My family has joined me here in Abu Dhabi. My daughter has started school. The personal aspects of life better. The cliche "if you love something, set it free...." Well I'm happy it's back with me. 

The work is just as bad as it was. Not much change there. 

I just hit a couple of milestones in my 120 month journey. Happy about that. Still a long way to go. 

Months 103,102,101

20 of 120 months gone. 100 more to go... In terms of endurance test, I feel like I've just finished the first 3 kms of the Half Marathon. Typically, getting past the 3rd km is tough. That's where you hit the first barrier of fatigue...
Work is hectic all around. I've just returned from my vacation in India. It must have been a good time off work for I forgot my login password...
It was quiet there in Mumbai. Mostly because I hurt my back on the 5th and was laid up. There is a jinx. The jinx of 21 km in 2 hours. I could have sworn I felt I could break the barrier this time. I clocked well right before leaving Abu-Dhabi. But then could not get any practice due to back issues and ended up at 2:08. Quite Lame!

At Abu Dhabi Airport

 Here I'm at the Airport Lounge waiting for my flight to take me back home. There are are so many songs just around this feeling and they are all playing in my head now.

From Doughtry to John Denver... 

My Credit Card has some privilages that hitherto I was unaware of. For example, I'm eligible for availing Airport Lounge Services free of charge six times a year. Here I am at the fag end of the year. But then , its nice... the food sumptious and wine heady...

Its been a vacation long in waiting whose time has come... I busted the last one due to some project concerns and almost lost this for the same reasons. 

Its been an eventful year gone by. 

It began with the promise of a new job and life. Then the bank offer came up and changed my life completely. I never thought I'd ever move out of Mumbai again. With a decent house, all the amenities and a good circle of friends I thought I'm good, till Abu Dhabi happened. It actually was an outcome of something I had initiated back in March-13. My family life was on the rocks and I wished I could escape it through a job outside Mumbai so that it won't look too freaky. Most of that year went like that... We barely tolerated each other. She had drifted away. I saw her moving away. I had little energy left to steer or confront which looked facile... We discussed the Abu Dhabi offer and decided I should take it. 

The biggest casualty was my daughter. I knew I'd miss her and I did. When my family visited me in May, they left a few of their clothes behind. I'd open the closet and stare at her frocks and her T shirts. I'd smell them. They always smelled of the detergent though. I should have known. She missed me too. I was surprised. She is not someone who expresses her hurt or feelings much. But this time she decided to let her disapproval known. 

Over time, and my frequent visits, some of the distances were bridged. I have my wife and God to thank that she came around. Its been like this. I put her in tough spot, she makes a huge sacrifice to make it good, she expects me to reciprocate or at least step up. And despite my best intentions I don't measure up. This time again she has decided to let go her career and join me in Abu Dhabi. Its a big sacrifice. I kept pushing back, not sure if I can step up to it but she was resolute. I think I've mentioned in my previous blogs somewhere, I need the bar lowered or I'm sure I'll fail yet again.

Hope things will be different this time. I'm looking forward to this trip. Looking forward to 2015 and hoping I can build on what began in 2014...

Month 105,104

I'm writing after august and most of September. The challenges at work continue. I had thought I have established some good credentials, but the goal post moved and where it moved, I could not get to in time. So, I've failed. My first failure. And it's going to cost me. They will bring another guy on top of me to manage things. Cool...

It's tough to accept demotion. I'm struggling to come to terms with it. Spoke to my wife. She seems okay with it. There are 2 possible ways to respond. Accept and continue. Try spend as much time as possible in the region. Get my family here. Make money and stop bothering about career. The other is to start another journey. Just like my site, find another hobby, another hillock to climb. Stay away from family for 3 years, improve resume as much as I can and then return to India. 

The first one is too humiliating. But it gives me money and a chance to stay on here. The second means 3 years of separation with my family and the hope that I can find something in India in 3 years. 

Kids can surprise!

D is my best daughter....

Growl!!! I'm your only daughter. 

That's how the conversation goes in my house. In most ways my daughter is middle of the road kind. She goes to school. Has very few friends. Gets a few B's and an occasional C. Her achievements are few and far between. This upsets her only when one of her friends wins something. But generally she is unperturbed, unflappable. 

We have accepted this. Though we keep trying to get her interested in things, keep prodding her to learn new stuff, she shrugs it all off. 

Yesterday however we were in for a pleasant surprise. No, she did not win anything. Nor did she score perfect marks in her report card. What she did was to operate the printer all by herself. Now that's something even my wife doesn't / can't do. It so happened that she wanted a printout of a form she wanted to fill out. The paper tray of canon mx860 is at the bottom. Also you sometimes struggle to keep it aligned. The fact that she could negotiate all that and take a printout surprised me no end. The same day she also fixed the clock. It's actually a digital photo album. We use it as a clock as we can see the time even in the dark. Now it's 3 yrs old and it has serious challenges. The buttons are all stuck  and it takes some amount of skill and great patience to set it once it's switched off and back on. My wife stays away from it. It's too irksome for her to set it.

That my D could do these things on the same day it most intriguing. What actually happen that day was that a friend of hers won some competition and she was a little upset that she could not. 

But for both of us parents, it revealed a side of hers that we had never seen before. The fact that she has resolve and will was new to us. 

She is my best daughter. Love her the most. Miss her the most. 

52:30 10K

ADNEC is a big place. When a colleague told me about a 10K run in Sep, I flatly refused. Too hot I said. But then, it's in ADNEC he said. So what, I quipped. It's covered and airconditioned he explained. I registered. 

When I reached there in the morning, I was all groggy. I had a fitful sleep yesterday. In fact I was so dazed I wore my bib upside down till someone casually pointed out. 

The arena is huge. Quite spacious. There was a small crowd of runners. Perhaps about 100. Mostly white. NO Desis! I believe UAE is 50% or more desi, and yet no one to represent the race(pun). 

But even with such a massive structure, We went back and forth in a serpentine manner 4-5 times to clock the distance. It's 2km per lap. 

And I did well. Best 10K I've ever clocked. 52:30. I just need to stay the course. Hope I do. 

Month 107 106

Jun and Jul were hectic. My first project went live. Some kind of relief. Though I won't feel till all aspects of it are working fine. 

Went to Mumbai twice. In Jun and then again in July. Staying away has created a closeness I had not felt in a long time. Her job circumstances have not improved. She's seriously pondering coming over, which is good. Sometimes your boss' boss can have more impact in your life than the boss herself. She is realizing it now. Also, there is another job opty that has come up. Though it's not confirmed yet, it may cause changes in plan. Still fluid still uncertain. 

I'm so much in work that I'm not able to gym properly. For the entire work week I just can't make it to the gym. Over the weekend I try and make up for it but just 2 days a week is not good enough. 

There are serious challenges at the work place. The entire environment is broken. Don't know how will I be able to manage it. My new role as the pmo is posing significant challenge. Also, there is pressure to recruit PMs. The new CIO wants diversity and in IT in this region it's hard to get. 

Did I mention I'm liking my cooking. Despite some screwups I was able to prepare edible stuff that I then enjoy eating for the rest of the week. 

A Good Run!

I've written about my improved performance (running) since I landed here. It's difficult to believe and tempting to think that I've actually improved. Especially after 2 years of decline, I could turn things around. Perhaps it's the miscalibrstion of the treadmill or perhaps it's a friendly gradient of the belt or both. But the truth is that for the first time in my life I ran 8 Km on the trot in 40 min. The best ever in India was 5 km in 25 min. Sometime in apr, I had run 7 km in 35 min at the Sheraton. I've done a few 6 km in 30 in between. All pointing in the same direction. Let's hope this reflects positively on my on road performance. I intend to start my corniche runs again in October. Hope, they are good. 

Btw I looked up Dubai marathon. It wierd that there is no 21!kms category. It's either 42 kms or 10. No half marathon.  That's wierd. Hence I probably will be running Mumbai in 2015 also. Hope I make it count. 

Month 108

The month gone by had its challenges. The new CIO has taken charge at the bank. He brings his own ideas to the table. I'm hearing about an impending reorg. Having come here for just 3 months, I'm a little un-nerved by this. It seems my portfolio will move directly under him. This can be both good and bad. On one had where it gives me an opty to catch his attention, I'm also opening my self to scrutiny. With my current boss, I knew he had brought me here and so I enjoy a level of comfort. That comfort does not exist with the new boss. Lets see how things turn out.

My wife's experience at the bank back in India has not changed much. Though she has a new boss, the super boss remains the same. That is a challenge. If things remain this way and her new boss does not show spine to stand up to the super boss, the stress levels will stay high. 

My daughter was ranked 7th in the english olympiad, in her school. She was happy and I was happy for her. As a person, she is not a high achiever. These are small trophies we'll all cherish as she grows. 

I'm having my second round of sore throat and running nose. While these are minor ailments, these are the times you miss family the most. Holed up in the house, I'm cooking, cleaning and tending to self. The good thing is I do not have high fever. That would have made things worse. 

I started off once again with my 1000 year project of creating an workflow engine. I had the energy for a day or two. Its back to square one now. 

The temperature here has soared. I bathe in sweat, within 3 min of walking into the sun. This heat has caused this cold and sore throat. The entire summer is ahead of me. Dunno how to survive this. Back during the time I was holed up in my house in Virginia, I used to wonder, between extreme cold and heat, I'd prefer the heat any day. At least I see the sun. I'm not very sure now that I'm walking in 44 degrees direct heat.

Putting it on Burning it Off

A while ago I read an Article on yoyo diet. It described people who shed weight on an impulse but do not have the staying power and so soon bounce back to their chubby selfs. It warned against quick weight loss diets stating some long term hazards of such manuovers. I was amused by it and pretty smug in my ability to keep my waistline. 

Alas! Ever since I landed here, I've fallen prey to the rich food and generous helpings served at the local restaurants. I prided myself in my ability to burn it all on a treadmill. But despite my best attempts, the fat seems to stick refusing to vaporise. 

I've now come to believe the reason I could stay slim all these years was not so much due to my ability to burn but my extremely boring diet. Day after day, year after year I ate egg white bhurji and 3 chapatis in my lunch. So much so that my lunch partners marveled at my darb routine. In dinner 5 days a week I ate salad. All in all same shit 5 days a week kept the flab away. 

Not any more. I seem to be wilting in this summer heat in Abu Dhabi and it'll take some serious and boring lifestyle changes to stay in my pants ;)

Prayers and Promises

Back in 2006 when I was going through the self inflicted paranoia, I turned  to god. I've confessed before, I'm not a religious man, but I'm a man of faith. I prayed to him hard and with all sincerity I could muster. I said to Him " No one in my family including my daughter, my wife and myself should ever be... Neither in the past, nor in the present nor in the future...". And God bailed me out. It took me time to realize and believe that I've been saved.

Later as time went by, the prayers changed. I moved on from the above to asking different things. They reflect my personal aspirations, family commitments and promises to self. I've asked to us to be together and happy. I asked for my daughter to have stable environment. I'm always afraid that somewhere in course of time, my daughter will drift away from me(emotionally). I've prayed for us to be together and me playing a constructive role in her life. I've asked for my wife to find a good job and be happy in it. I've asked for us to be together and happy as a family. I've asked for maids to stay so that my daughter could get some stability. I've asked for myself that "I do something more challenging, rewarding and satisfying...". For most part these were in harmony with each other. My prayer for personal growth, did not conflict in any way with my family commitments.

Then times changed. We had a few crises and I was not sure any more of what I wanted for self and family. I was ambivalent. During the rough times in the family I left it to God to decide if staying together is what he wanted me to do.

A few months ago, when the Abu Dhabi opportunity came up, I wasn't sure I wanted to take it up. It reflected a contradiction between my personal goals and my family priorities. How could I ask for stability for my daughter as I was the one rocking the boat. How could I ask for my wife to have a successful career when I was uprooting her. And yet how could I not accept this offer when this gave me the break I wanted for myself.

When I reached here I changed my prayers once again. I wanted my daughter to find happiness here. I wanted my wife to find a good job here. I wanted us to be together here and happy. I had preferred personal ambition over the family. There were some mitigating factors. I knew my daughter was losing her friend in India as our neighbors were moving to the US. So perhaps moving here may not be that bad for her. My wife had a tough / unreasonable boss who she hated and at some time was seriously contemplating quitting. I thought she may want to make a new beginning here. I spoke to my wife at length before accepting this offer and we agreed, this was the way to go. All in all it seemed plausible and even desirable to be here together as a family.

Earlier this month my family visited me here. My wife liked certain things about Abu Dhabi. I was happy she thought she could move here. They left last weekend and she joined the office this monday when she heard the news. Her boss was moved out of her area and her new boss seems to be a good person to work with. Not only her boss but her role may change a bit. She may get elevated in her role if not her designation. It was overall good news for her.But then there is the price. It now seems a better proposition to stay in her current job and grow.

For the last few days I'm confused. I'm in search of the right wish, the right prayer and a promise...

Month 109 1st Year Gone By

So I reach my first milestone on this journey. Its been of year of hope and despair, endings and new beginnings, bitter truths, compromises and uncertainties . I hit a few low notes half way through the year. The desperation of Oct-Dec, the fears of Feb and March. Doing things against my principles. Facing up to them.

In the end, I've reached a trajectory that I think will help me deliver what I hoped for in the next 9 years. Challenges exist. My family will be uprooted. Honestly, they were well settled in Mumbai. Abu Dhabi will be be a challenge for them. I'm staying alone here for at least a year. The typical challenges of settling in.

The job all said and done is still a new challenge, too many concurrent threads. I need to balance multiple programs.But thats part of work life.Lets see how it goes.

Family Visit

The good news is that my family is here. On vacation. The bad news is they are bored. Now I can't afford them to think negative about this place. They plan to move in next year and I'd like them to enjoy their stay and look fwd to the impending relocation. 

But that's not so. Wife of a friend has already spooked my wife about the most important things. Quality of education for my daughter and work opty for her. 

To add to it, the internet / cable in my brand new house does not work. There is a cabling issue and neither Etisalat nor my owner have done anything about it. 

I'm using iPhone personal hotspot to connect to the internet. That works but is severely restrictive. 

It's just their 4th day and the signs of fatigue are setting in. The fact that my wife has to do all the chores is not helping either. 

Hope they are able to get past this brush with reality. Else we're doomed.